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In the one hand, a rosary.
In the other, a sword.
In his eyes, the fire of a man following God.
In his breast, the heart of a religious warrior.

In the one hand, a sword.
In the other, a rosary.
In his path, the enemies of his God.
In his wake, men who've met their's.

In the one hand, a sword.
In the other, a bloody knife.
In his eyes, the fire of a killer.
In his wake, a rosary, discarded and forgotten.

In the one hand, a sword.
In the other, a growing gash.
In his eyes, the glint of a man gone mad.
In his heart, a void in which God once dwelled.

In the one hand, a sword.
Of the other, naught remains.
In his breast, the cold steel of a foe.
In his eyes, the blank stare of the damned.
November 08.
VoicelessReason Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009
Thanks. I'm to a certain extent in love with archaic language, though I'm not sure I understand by archaic methods. I'll certainly take the compliment though =D

I hadn't really thought about breaking out of it either, but now that you mention it is does seem like an interesting concept. I do have a tendency to fall into very strict themes, as you say. With something that I wrote so long ago its kind of hard to just jump right back in though >.<
clocksandwires Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009

A lot of people when writing use archaic words without archaic methods, which gives the impression of being inept as opposed to intentionally using the antiquated. You seem to have managed to have pulled it off, however.

I like how it is now, but i can't help but wonder what it would be like in a more updated form, and whether or not it would be better, but it depends what you do with it. The strict rhyme and metre adds a certain something to it, but if you broke out of it and put it in free verse, I wonder if something else would be added to it?

Perhaps its just my suspicion of strict metrical schemes. Like I said, i like it. Well expressed and clear moral message, but not to the point of being obvious. Well done.
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Submitted on
November 12, 2008
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